Some Chinese elders refuse to talk about dying, much less visit grave sites. But those who are not superstitious would go to the extent of choosing and buying their burial plots and planning the design of their tombs. At the very least, they get to see how their final resting place would look like.
Some wealthy families spend a fortune – up to a few million ringgit – to build a grand tomb. They believe that burial plots with good feng shui are important as they affect the fortunes of their descendants. And choice plots are usually on higher ground.
Families with money spare no expense on the tombs as they feel it is their duty to appease and honour their ancestors. They see it as a gesture of filial piety to provide the best for their loved ones.
At 91, Datuk Sim Mow Yu seems to have accepted the fact that one does not live forever. Sim, a publisher, Chinese educationist and accomplished calligrapher, has even prepared a resting place for himself next to his late wife, at the Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih, Selangor.
The nine dragon wall forms the back wall of this grand tomb in Nilai Memorial Park. The green granite tombstones look spanking new in their well-landscaped surroundings. But what is eye-catching is the beautiful calligraphy on the tombstones and walls flanking the grave site.
"The original writings are scanned onto the granite slabs and engraved by workmen. Datuk Sim, who was born in Fukien, China, wrote all the calligraphy on the tombstones, including the tombstone of his wife, Chan Guat Ai, who passed away last May," says Isaac Chong, personal assistant to the group managing director of NV Multi Corporation Bhd, which manages Nirvana Memorial Park.
Work on the tombs was completed only early this year.
"Datuk Sim tells of his motto in life: perseverance, manners, righteousness, integrity, faithfulness, justice and hard work. He also holds steadfastly to the principle that life is a struggle and one of rendering service to others," says Chong.
Ong Seng Huat He adds that these days, it is quite common for the well-to-do Chinese to buy a plot of land and prepare their tombstones before their deaths. Their names would be engraved in red to indicate that they are still alive.
Another noteworthy tomb is that of Lim Fong Seng, former chairman of the Federation of Chinese Independent Secondary Schools and former chairman of the Federation of Chinese Schools Association.
Rather than the usual upright tombstone, Lim's head stone rests in a slanted position on some steps in front of his tomb and that of his late wife. A pair of white ceramic angels stand guard on top of the slanted head stone. A landscaped path surrounded by an immaculately kept garden, leads to Lim's final resting place.
Some tombs have plants or flowering shrubs on them as the family members believe that these can help ensure that the family wealth is retained.
At the Nirvana Memorial Park, there are three graves which are surrounded by a shallow pool of water. A park worker explained that this is done for feng shui purposes. Rainwater collects around the grave before it is drained off.
"Some believe that storage of water is symbolic of storing wealth," says the worker.
In Peace Garden, there are artistic head stones with contemporary designs. The tombs have no mounds typical of Chinese tombs, but are flat and turfed. Each plot has a border of shrubs to demarcate its boundary. The garden is beautifully landscaped with palm trees for added tranquillity.
This sang kee is erected to promote longevity and prosperity among the living. At the Nilai Memorial Park in Negri Sembilan, there is an imposing million ringgit tomb with a rectangular back wall etched with nine dragons – the handiwork of craftsmen from China.
"It belongs to a respected Chinese entrepreneur who meticulously planned his tomb before his death. He even detailed the route that his hearse would pass and how the death rituals should be conducted. A few months after his tomb was ready, he passed away," says Monica Chew, sales manager of the park.
In contrast to the sombre grey, white and blue colour themes of most graves, the tomb of a Chinese publisher in Nilai Memorial Park stands out with its splashes of colour on decorative walls.
As one ascends the staircase leading to the tomb, the boundary walls feature large pink lilies with green leaves. However, the major attraction is the main back wall illustrated with 24 stories of filial piety. Each story has an illustrated panel and all 24 panels are arranged to form a mural.
Another unique tomb belongs to that of a Tan Sri. It is marked by an upright marble wall with a hollowed-out cross. The cross is laid down on a grassy patch nearby. A white granite border gives the tomb its finishing touch. A stone's throw away lies the tomb of the Tan Sri's son.
Chew says: "The garden to this two-tiered tomb area is landscaped with a winding path. It is to remind the deceased's descendants that he had gone a long way in life and experienced a lot of ups and downs."
At both memorial parks, there are a few empty "tombs" which have been erected for feng shui purposes.
Known traditionally as sang kee (meaning "base of living") these "tombs" are built to enhance one's luck or promote good health and longevity, says Ong Seng Huat, chief executive director of Xiao En Cultural Endowment, a charity organisation set up by the Xiao En Group which operates Nilai Memorial Park.
One such "tomb" resembles the shell of a tortoise. Ong says: "Only the hair, nails or sample of blood of a living person are buried in this plot."
Another sang kee has a tombstone with the Chinese character sau (meaning longevity) written on it, evidently as a wish for long life.
Yet another tortoise-shaped tomb, Ong says, is regarded as an "unlucky" tomb as it is sealed (wholly cemented). Traditionally, the Chinese do not seal the tomb to allow grass to grow on the mound of earth that marks the grave site.
Tombs of contemporary designs at Nirvana Memorial Park. This area is planted with palm trees for shade. There are no mounds typical of Chinese graveyards but flat turfed burial plots. A housewife in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, who declined to be named says: "My father's tomb is sealed and the family cannot visit his grave. This is to avoid bad luck. We can only worship his ancestral tablet at home. However, we can engage workers to make offerings and burn incense during Qing Ming."
In her father's case, the day, month and year of his birth were all inauspicious, so he was deemed unlucky and hence the taboo on visiting his grave.
Keng Choo, planning and design director of Nilai Memorial Park, says that once tombs are completed, renovation works are not encouraged.
"After the burial of their family member, if the descendants are safe and happy, the Chinese do not want to disturb the tombs (with unnecessary renovation)," he says.
"However, if the descendants have health problems and suffer bad luck after burying their elders, they would seek the help of a geomancer. Work may then be carried out, including relocating the tomb to a site with good feng shui."
A tastefully designed grave in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Chew of Nilai Memorial Park tells of a filial son who occasionally visits his father's grave and has breakfast at a sheltered pavilion equipped with a granite table and seats. Who knows, the young man could be pouring out his worldly problems to his father or just spending a quiet time of reflection.
"Indeed, these days a memorial park is no longer a dreaded place to visit for the living. It is beautifully landscaped and relatives may visit the graves whenever they like," adds Chew.
